Ride or die
by carrowmetohell
Summary: Series exploring Bonnie Winterbottom's and Annalise Keating's relationship throughout HTGAWM.


"Annalise?" Bonnie called into the hallway as she pushed open the front door to the Keating law office and home. She didn't expect a response but she knew the eerie silence did not mean that the house was empty. Annalise's car parked outside proved she was home and that meant Bonnie had a chance to fix this. At least she hoped it did.

The blonde lawyer edged forward, creeping into the darkened hallway towards the grand staircase. She glanced up at the landing as she moved forwards toward the main study. Bonnie noticed the lights were off upstairs. That meant Sam wasn't home. Good, he'd only serve to complicate things. Bonnie felt a sudden resentment for the man surge through her veins.

This was all his fault. Sam Keating had a habit of believing everyone needed and wanted him and she-well, she couldn't claim she didn't want that-or him for that matter. But it was more complicated than just that. She wanted his love and approval, for him to believe in her. She didn't want _him_ _, she wanted his acceptance_. Sam was Annalise's husband. He was off limits, he was Mr. Keating and Bonnie had always respected that. She found herself wondering how it had all become so wrong and twisted. Intentions always seemed to be misconstrued where she was involved.

Bonnie entered the study, it was dark like the rest of the house, there were a few case files and cardboard boxes strewn across the sofas from the ongoing case. They lay open and disturbed. There were a few papers on the floor, scattered awkwardly around. Bonnie suspected Annalise had attempted to get some work done after drinking a few glasses of her precious vodka. It was behaviour Bonnie had seen before. Usually taking place after a rough day in court or difficult argument with Sam. Given the circumstances of the day Bonnie couldn't really blame Annalise for hitting the bottle, she just wished she hadn't been the cause.

Bonnie couldn't see any light under the door to Annalise's private office. It really was beginning to look like no one was home. But Bonnie wouldn't accept that. She couldn't. _Annalise has to be here,_ a small voice in the back of her mind urged her forward. "Annalise?" She repeated, a little bolder as she edged forward through the gloom. The silence was starting to terrify her.

Bonnie hoped her persistence might count for something. Annalise had respected her perseverance in the past. But that had been before everything they built together had collapsed, before Bonnie had torn down their foundations. Bonnie had practically been adopted into the Keating family and with one mistake she feared she might have ruined it all.

The blonde cleared her throat before knocking on the glass door that sealed Annalise's study away from the rest of the law office. Still there was no answer. Bracing herself, Bonnie turned the handle and stepped inside the darkened office. There she saw Annalise hunched over her desk, a half empty bottle of vodka standing proud next to her name plaque.

Bonnie approached the woman she idolised so dearly with short, tentative steps. She noticed the curtains had been drawn together roughly, allowing the moons pale light to cast a divisive ray between them both. Bonnie's eyes flickered between the seemingly defeated woman and the floor. Her instinct was to keep her gaze low, like a wounded animal. She knew Annalise had no patience for that behaviour from her but it had been an impossible habit for Bonnie to surpass.

That and it broke her heart to see Annalise like this. What made it worse was that she felt responsible for it, that she was responsible. "Annalise _please_." Bonnie pleaded, voice hitching with desperation. Her words were barely louder than a whisper. Bonnie dared not continue closer towards the older woman. Without Annalise she felt lost.

Annalise started to move. Sluggish and heavy as if she'd just woke up from an alcohol induced nap. She moved lethargically, pulling a heavy head from her hands. Her braids rose up from the pools they had formed atop the mahogany desk, Bonnie watched them fixated. The inebriated lawyer dragged her gaze upwards, meeting the nervous woman's brown eyes with a piercing glare. Bonnie's lip begun to quiver.

The blonde watched Annalise apprehensively, eyes wide as she worried her bottom lip. Maybe coming here was a mistake? She thought, hasty and unsure of herself. Perhaps she should have let Annalise cool off and deal with all of this tomorrow. She fumbled over an excuse to leave but found herself rooted to the spot. Bonnie was frozen under Annalise's gaze. It was far too late for self-doubt now, she had to see this through to the end. Bonnie just wished Annalise wouldn't stare at her like that. She'd never seen such venom in the woman's eyes, at least not directed at her anyway.

"What is it this time Bonnie?" The Keating demanded, her voice cold and somewhat bored. It was as if she'd had enough of the meek blonde woman stood before her. Like Bonnie had been nothing but a source of disappointment to her and this was just the final straw. "I-" Bonnie started, willing herself to explain how she felt. If only she could find the words that would make Annalise see, maybe then she could fix this.

Annalise rose to her feet in a sharp motion and the blonde flinched away at the suddenness of it. "What do you want from me now?" Annalise barked, "you've already taken what you wanted-"

"No- please you have to listen, it wasn't like that." Bonnie protested, she was desperate, she had to make Annalise believe her. It was never meant to be this way. How did it get here? She wondered, pleading Annalise to understand her with a single look.

"Oh really then what was it like?" Annalise's tone was ice, it brought Bonnie crashing back into the room.

"I-he wanted to and I…" The blonde trailed off, backing away from Annalise. Eyes wide, like a deer caught in headlights.

"You wanted him to fuck you." Annalise was frank and cold. Stepping around the side of her desk. The lawyer was always so blunt. Bonnie felt shame burn through her.

"Annalise it wasn't like-"

"You wanted him to fuck you!" She screamed, knocking her half empty bottle of vodka from the desk. The bottle smashed, sending the expensive liquid pouring over a pile of recent case files. Annalise's gaze didn't even flicker to the mess she had just created. She simply glared at Bonnie with unadulterated disgust.

The blonde quivered in silence, tears streaming down her face. She wanted to tell Annalise the whole story, to explain everything but she just couldn't find the right words. Bonnie wasn't sure there would ever be any 'right' words.

"Annalise I'm sorry," she settled with, drawing into herself. It wasn't a confession, or an explanation but it was the best she had to offer. She was desperate to fix this. Her head was bowed low, her shame evident.

And this was the pitiful specimen that had managed to entice her husband? Annalise scarcely had a chance to process her thoughts, she saw red.

The Keating flew towards her younger associate like a hurricane, grabbing her shoulders and shaking the young woman violently. "Is this what you wanted?!" She yelled, octaves climbing into hysterical notes. "To hurt me? To come between Sam and I? Is it because I don't give you the attention you long for so you decide to seduce my halfwit of a husband with your mosey broken girl act? Well congratulations Bonnie, it worked. I'm hurt and you're just another broken slut on the pile for him to fix. You're not special and you're not the only one he's had. You won't be the last either. Sam will always find someone else just as pathetic and seduce them too!" Annalise pushed the girl away causing her to fall backwards into the bookcase behind her.

"No, no!" Bonnie shouted back, scrambling to pull it all back, to stay grounded, to apologise, to disappear. She just didn't know. She covered her ears, in a childish attempt to block out Annalise's biting words.

Annalise turned from her charge with an exasperated sigh. "Just get out of my sight! You're making me feel sick just looking at you."

Bonnie dragged her gaze up from the floor, clutching her arm to her side tenderly, "just-just let me explain… Please…"

Silence followed her request. A silence that was broken by a loud crack that reverberated around the room. The sound stilled any effort to explain with a resounding permanence.

Annalise had struck her. Annalise had actually struck her. Her cheek burned and Bonnie felt like the walls were closing in on her, she couldn't see straight or breath. This was not how it was supposed to be. The slap had been sharp. A solid connection of Annalise's palm with the demure blonde's left cheek.

Bonnie had been sent reeling, in more senses than just one. She felt sick, drawing back into the dark corners of her own mind. Memories crashed into her like waves and she lost all sense of where she was. The ground was the only thing she could feel, rough carpet under hand. She curled up, in shock, paralysed.

"Get out." Annalise hissed at the woman crumpled beneath her feet. The voice brought Bonnie back to reality, grounding her for a moment and that was all she needed to rise to her feet. Bonnie obeyed the command blindly, without question leaving Annalise alone once more.

Bonnie managed to clean up the students office before dragging herself home. Something neither herself nor Annalise acknowledged the following day.

It was business as usual at the Keating residence, but Bonnie felt the shift in energy.

Things had changed. She had to fix it.


End file.
